Monday, February 9, 2015

Memory of Life / Sjećanje na život

My Mom, me & Granny / Mama, ja i Babi

A year ago I thought writing about the loss would be easier in a year. Boy was I wrong. Sometimes you just can't find words to describe love or fond memories of a person who meant the world to you. One year ago my beloved Grandma passed away. I will celebrate life as she did, with laughter and humor. Because everything is easier with optimism and goodwill. I will remember watching horror movies late at night followed by warm croissants and hot cocoa. Her stories of old times filled with details and fullness of life.

There is only a certain number of tears you can cry, certain number of days for painful spasm and for sleepless nights. Reminiscing of past times and days when I miss her warmth, understanding that my beloved Grandma is now gone. She cooked me green beans on Wednesdays, they are not the same after she passed. One month passed, then two and then a year, like a short bizarre dream. I want to call her every day, she is here, yet not here to call. I thought she would live forever.

A year, and yet so few words to tell.



Prije godinu dana mislila sam da će gubitak biti manji kad prođe godina. Nisam bila u pravu. Ponekad nema riječi za opisati ljubav i draga sjećanja na osobu koja vam je toliko značila. Prije godinu dana preminula je moja voljena baka. Trudit ću se slaviti život kao što ga je ona slavila, smijehom i šalom. Sve je lakše uz optimizam i dobru volju. Sjećam se kako smo gledale horor filmove subotom do kasno u noć te toplih kroasana i vrućeg kakaa koje mi je spremala nedjeljom ujutro. Njenih priča o prošlim vremenima ispunjenih detaljima i punoćom života.

Postoji samo određen broj suza za isplakati, određen broj dana za bolan grč i besane noći. Razmišljanja o prošlosti i dane kad nedostaje toplina, spoznaja da nema moje najdraže bake. Srijedom mi je kuhala mahune, više nisu iste nakon što je nema. Prošao je mjesec, dva, godina dana, poput čudnog sna. Svakim je danom želim zvati, tu je, a nije tu. Mislila sam da će živjeti vječno.

Godina dana, a tako malo toga za reći.

Me, Granny and Mom / Ja, Babi i mama

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